Me: Pa, can we eat beef?
Old man: Normally, for a Buddhist, we are not supposed to..blablabla........*further explains on the reasons*
Me: But then, why do you still eat it?
Old man: Good food in life should not be wasted. If we don't eat it, then who will?
Me: ....................
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Sarcasm
The level of sarcasm in my family is eminent. Instead of telling you that you are fat, they'll do stuffs that you yourself can't think of. My mom will always come up with ridiculous exaggerations. For instance,
1) I gained weight. She'll tell me this," I went to the zoo with your younger siblings just now. How come you're there as well?" *She was referring to the hippos.*
2) I got no money. I called my dad and asked for it. He replies," Is RM3500 enough for you?" As always, I'll definitely say yes. The old man continues," Never mind. Later at night I'll just bring your mom to one of the lorongs." *Well you can figure out yourself what does he mean by that*
3) Yunee, my sister got 23rd place out of 25 in her class for her finals. "I know why you didn't get last. Cos one student cannot read, while the other is probably blind."
4) Mom was frustrated. She called us so many times for dinner, but all of us were busy watching Tv. She stormed in, and said this," I am a maid in the morning! Opens up a laundry shop in the afternoon. A chef in the evening and a prostitute at night!" *everyone went........kru.........kru.........kru..........*
5) I have a Malay girlfriend. Planned to go back home on a weekend so I informed my parents. Dad: "Make sure before you board the bus you go for your Friday prayers okay???" =_______=
6) We are heading out for dinner. Mom complains to Ryan that he is fat. At the same time, she said," Hey, how come your brother is over there?"
1) I gained weight. She'll tell me this," I went to the zoo with your younger siblings just now. How come you're there as well?" *She was referring to the hippos.*
2) I got no money. I called my dad and asked for it. He replies," Is RM3500 enough for you?" As always, I'll definitely say yes. The old man continues," Never mind. Later at night I'll just bring your mom to one of the lorongs." *Well you can figure out yourself what does he mean by that*
3) Yunee, my sister got 23rd place out of 25 in her class for her finals. "I know why you didn't get last. Cos one student cannot read, while the other is probably blind."
4) Mom was frustrated. She called us so many times for dinner, but all of us were busy watching Tv. She stormed in, and said this," I am a maid in the morning! Opens up a laundry shop in the afternoon. A chef in the evening and a prostitute at night!" *everyone went........kru.........kru.........kru..........*
5) I have a Malay girlfriend. Planned to go back home on a weekend so I informed my parents. Dad: "Make sure before you board the bus you go for your Friday prayers okay???" =_______=
6) We are heading out for dinner. Mom complains to Ryan that he is fat. At the same time, she said," Hey, how come your brother is over there?"
*while pointing at this*
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
For Asgard!!!
My Dad has always been a fan of Action movies. Be it the flying China men, or Indian superpower-one-man-kill-all 100-people. Any action movies will do.*no pun intended.*
Ryan had just finish downloading Thor Blu-Ray. According to that old man, he is very fond of this Thor guy. When I asked him whether he knows Thor, he told me this to me, " I know him very well. He's the guy with the hammer. "
*It's pretty obvious isn't it.* =__=
Anywayyyyy, since the movie is too heavy, we transferred it to our desktop, which is in the study room. All of us watched it already, EXCEPT for the old man. It was around 5 PM when the movie started. He told us earlier, that we will have our dinner once the movie finishes. So yeah, all of us went up, watch Tv, while the old man sits alone downstairs.
So we waited.
Generally speaking, movies suchlike Thor usually takes about 1 hour plus. Max, give it two hours. But its been 4 hours and the old man is still the room. All of us got hungry already. *Do note that for a typical Chinaman, 9PM is considered to be SUPPERTIME already, not DINNERTIME.*
So Ming went down to check him out. To his surprise, the movie was not even half-way through! And you know what, the whole movie was actually in slow-mo speed. Yes, in SLOW-MOTION. Every scene was slow-moving.
Even Thor was speaking like this, " THEEEEEEEEEEE................ANSWEERRRRRRRRRRR............YOUUUUUUUUUU.................
What actually happened: Old man accidently pressed the slow-mo button. And he didn't even realize it.
I quote this from him. " It was too slow that I can remember every single thing that happened in that movie. It made me focused too much."
4 hours of watching a 30 minute worth of movie-time? Thor was not even exiled out of Asgard yet!
Ryan had just finish downloading Thor Blu-Ray. According to that old man, he is very fond of this Thor guy. When I asked him whether he knows Thor, he told me this to me, " I know him very well. He's the guy with the hammer. "
*It's pretty obvious isn't it.* =__=
If like that, this guy can also be Thor kan?
Anywayyyyy, since the movie is too heavy, we transferred it to our desktop, which is in the study room. All of us watched it already, EXCEPT for the old man. It was around 5 PM when the movie started. He told us earlier, that we will have our dinner once the movie finishes. So yeah, all of us went up, watch Tv, while the old man sits alone downstairs.
So we waited.
6PM, belum habis.
7PM, belum habis.
8PM, he is still downstairs!
9PM, OLD MAN IS STILL DOWNSTAIRS.
Total : 4 hours.
Generally speaking, movies suchlike Thor usually takes about 1 hour plus. Max, give it two hours. But its been 4 hours and the old man is still the room. All of us got hungry already. *Do note that for a typical Chinaman, 9PM is considered to be SUPPERTIME already, not DINNERTIME.*
So Ming went down to check him out. To his surprise, the movie was not even half-way through! And you know what, the whole movie was actually in slow-mo speed. Yes, in SLOW-MOTION. Every scene was slow-moving.
Even Thor was speaking like this, " THEEEEEEEEEEE................ANSWEERRRRRRRRRRR............YOUUUUUUUUUU.................
What actually happened: Old man accidently pressed the slow-mo button. And he didn't even realize it.
I quote this from him. " It was too slow that I can remember every single thing that happened in that movie. It made me focused too much."
4 hours of watching a 30 minute worth of movie-time? Thor was not even exiled out of Asgard yet!
Haih, Old man Old man.
Kena Tinggal TWOPOINTZERO
Speaking of kena tinggal, it has been my duty to live in this world, to be "tinggal"-ed. You name it. In any occasions, or at any places. It comes to a point I'm used to it. Can't blame anyone really. I totally agree with what my Mom told me," When you do something, you like to take your own SWEET TIME doing it even though its urgent." And she's right. When I'm asked to do something, I'll take my time. I mean, MOST of my TIME doing it. Hence, DAYDREAMING is me. Life is all about chillexing don't you think?
These are the events of "kena tinggal" that I can actually think of right now.
1. Standard 3. Bus normally arrives at 6.45 AM. At 6.40, I was not in my pants yet. I was savoring myself, looking at the view, the birds outside the house yard, and other stuffs. I was in my own trance. Suddenly, BAM! a shoe flew over out of nowhere. It hit me real hard. Then this comes along, "Yuan, your brother already left for school! What were you doing all this while?!!" It was already 7.20 AM. #ONEWORD: Cibai.
2. Booked a 12 noon flight to Kelantan for myself. *Do know that we went there separately.* 10AM: Still enjoying my burger in KL CENTRAL. I thought," Ala chilllllllll lah, how long will the rapid bus take to reach LCCT!? 30 minutes max!"
So I went down to the counter, and asked this Abang-Jaga-Kaunter.
I said, "Bang, bas ni pergi LCCT kan? 30 minute confirm sampai kan?"
He replied, "Kau ingat BUS ni boleh terbang!!?"
So cancel plan to ride the bus. Called my friend, and we sped off to LCCT. As we reach LCCT, it was 11.50. I ran, so freaking fast. *Not so fast lah actually since I'm 90kg* Anyway, reached the check-in counter. "Bang, saya nak check-in untuk flight to Kelantan pukul 12."
He smiled, and replied," Adik, kapal terbang tu dah kat atas tu haahhh." *while he points up*.
Called my dad right after. I explained. He only say this to me, " You think that plane is WEE-ASIA is it?!! Have to follow your own timing!?!"
YES, HANYA DALAM KENANGAN.
These are the events of "kena tinggal" that I can actually think of right now.
1. Standard 3. Bus normally arrives at 6.45 AM. At 6.40, I was not in my pants yet. I was savoring myself, looking at the view, the birds outside the house yard, and other stuffs. I was in my own trance. Suddenly, BAM! a shoe flew over out of nowhere. It hit me real hard. Then this comes along, "Yuan, your brother already left for school! What were you doing all this while?!!" It was already 7.20 AM. #ONEWORD: Cibai.
2. Booked a 12 noon flight to Kelantan for myself. *Do know that we went there separately.* 10AM: Still enjoying my burger in KL CENTRAL. I thought," Ala chilllllllll lah, how long will the rapid bus take to reach LCCT!? 30 minutes max!"
So I went down to the counter, and asked this Abang-Jaga-Kaunter.
I said, "Bang, bas ni pergi LCCT kan? 30 minute confirm sampai kan?"
He replied, "Kau ingat BUS ni boleh terbang!!?"
So cancel plan to ride the bus. Called my friend, and we sped off to LCCT. As we reach LCCT, it was 11.50. I ran, so freaking fast. *Not so fast lah actually since I'm 90kg* Anyway, reached the check-in counter. "Bang, saya nak check-in untuk flight to Kelantan pukul 12."
He smiled, and replied," Adik, kapal terbang tu dah kat atas tu haahhh." *while he points up*.
WOE IS ME really.
Okay now I emo. No more stories.
*HANYA DALAM KENANGAN*
YES, HANYA DALAM KENANGAN.
Monday, 5 December 2011
Annoying Old Man
Received a text message from my dad,
Dad: Got enough money?
Me: Actually no. *Further explains why* I need to pay utilities, plus the house rent, toiletries, grubs, money to go back Penang this weekend.
Dad: Actually I'm just joking. Go ask mummy. Bye.
-______________________________________________________________-
Dad: Got enough money?
Me: Actually no. *Further explains why* I need to pay utilities, plus the house rent, toiletries, grubs, money to go back Penang this weekend.
Dad: Actually I'm just joking. Go ask mummy. Bye.
-______________________________________________________________-
Kena Tinggal
I was in Port Dickson, Negri Sembilan when I was 6. There used to be a roundabout in the midst of the town. *Not sure whether it's still there*. So, it has always been a competition to rule the middle seat at the back, especially when you are in a car. Cos when you get to seat in the middle, you'll get to feel all the air-cond you want. Sooo cold, soooo breezy. Its like heaven, especially when the sun is right on top of your head.
Whenever we fight to seat in the middle, my brother will do whatever it takes, be it punch, pinch, tease, disturb, yell, threatens to kill himself, threatens to run away, threatens to voluntarily be kidnapped, threatens to kill the cat, threatens to kill frogs, cockroaches, ants etc. You name it. Being a typical wuss, I do what I normally do best. Cry.
Hence to stop all that, what Dad would do is very simple. He'll put us at the sidewalks alongside the roundabout. Bear in mind that the shopkeepers nearby are actually my Dad's friends. Whenever he leaves us there, he'll signal his friends hence they will keep an eye on us. And then, he'll say this," Let you kena kidnap by bad people. Because all of you are very naughty." In our minds, it means that he'll leave us there to rot. We kept on crying. Then he'll take a small u-turn *pretending to leave us* in less than a minute and fetch us back. By then, we are already as quiet as a mouse.
There was once, the same thing happened again. But this time, it was me alone. I was crying really bad. Dad dropped me off, made a U-turn and WALLA! I was not there. He freaked out. Things went wrong this time. Went to ask his friends, they said I was walking that way. Dad and his friends kept looking for me for almost one solid hours. Finally at that moment, he finally found me. I was.eating ice-kacang, in the apek's ice-kacang. stall. I wasn't crying anymore. Instead, I waved at him happily and said, "I told uncle I got no money to buy ice kacang, cos you left me. So I got this for free!"
POMMMM! Kena penampar seround. :S
Since that day, no more kena tinggal, thanks to me. :)
Whenever we fight to seat in the middle, my brother will do whatever it takes, be it punch, pinch, tease, disturb, yell, threatens to kill himself, threatens to run away, threatens to voluntarily be kidnapped, threatens to kill the cat, threatens to kill frogs, cockroaches, ants etc. You name it. Being a typical wuss, I do what I normally do best. Cry.
Hence to stop all that, what Dad would do is very simple. He'll put us at the sidewalks alongside the roundabout. Bear in mind that the shopkeepers nearby are actually my Dad's friends. Whenever he leaves us there, he'll signal his friends hence they will keep an eye on us. And then, he'll say this," Let you kena kidnap by bad people. Because all of you are very naughty." In our minds, it means that he'll leave us there to rot. We kept on crying. Then he'll take a small u-turn *pretending to leave us* in less than a minute and fetch us back. By then, we are already as quiet as a mouse.
There was once, the same thing happened again. But this time, it was me alone. I was crying really bad. Dad dropped me off, made a U-turn and WALLA! I was not there. He freaked out. Things went wrong this time. Went to ask his friends, they said I was walking that way. Dad and his friends kept looking for me for almost one solid hours. Finally at that moment, he finally found me. I was.eating ice-kacang, in the apek's ice-kacang. stall. I wasn't crying anymore. Instead, I waved at him happily and said, "I told uncle I got no money to buy ice kacang, cos you left me. So I got this for free!"
POMMMM! Kena penampar seround. :S
Since that day, no more kena tinggal, thanks to me. :)
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Kutu Shampoo
Kutu Rambut. The most annoying thing living on your freaking head. It makes you scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch and scratch all the freaking time. What is more, it makes people look at you as a freaking dirty unhygienic person.
When I was 6, my brother had this problem. And my Amah (orang gaji), being a typical Malaysian said to him," Ming mesti banyak duduk dengan orang India ni." *no pun intended*
So my dad, being the SOLUTION for every PROBLEM in this world brought those kutu shampoos. Washed my brother's head. Rinse it. Apply the shampoo. Scrub it. Scrub it some more. Scrub it more than before. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Finish up the whole shampoo bottle. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Scrub. Take Shieldtox and spray all over his head. =______=
The End.
P/s: Ming had to shave his whole head right after. Kutu gone, PROBLEM SOLVED, daddy's style.
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